At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
