Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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