My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
