i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
