So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
