I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
