I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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