I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
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