I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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