What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
