He is such a slut. More and more my type.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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