Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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