Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
