good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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