it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
