Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize