Dual....:-)
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
