Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
