my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
