So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
