we have pet lesbian snakes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
