Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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