Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
