I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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