I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
