Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize