Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
