I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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