Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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