Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
