u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
