people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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