cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
