They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
