i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
