Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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