there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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