i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize