i barfeds in our rink
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
