Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
