I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
