In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
