It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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