He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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