One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
