nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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