you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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