Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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