that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize