remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We smell like vodka and hangover
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