what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
