OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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