I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize