I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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