I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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