I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
