Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
