mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
