Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
