i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
