Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
