who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
