Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
