I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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