we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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