Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i love accidental penises.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
